Diagnosis

 When I was 24 I was diagnosed with Mensa and I've been working on how to cure it ever since...

What do we want?

"WHAT DO WE WANT?"

"Something meaningful but vaguely defined and we're not sure really but we know it's important, probably..."

"WHEN DO WE WANT IT?"

"NOW!"

Poll...

Would you invite your band members to your wedding?

a) How can you even ask that question? Of course - we're a band!
b) I'd feel obliged to, but I'd hope some of them would be tactful enough to give excuses why they couldn't come.
c) Only the ones I've known for years
d) Only the ones I like
e) I have no say in the matter: my partner is in charge of the guest list
f) How can you even ask that question? No way! Have you seen my band?

Endless

"The list is endless!"

"It goes on forever?"

"No, we lost the last page..."

Superhero

The Incredible Aging Man!
Every day he ages by 24 hours!

Time is money

We know from the business world that Time = Money

We also know that Time is connected to and Distance and Speed (Velocity) (T=D/V)

And we know from Einstein's famous equation (E=MC2) that Speed and Energy are connected to Mass.

So somewhere out there, there should be a scientific formula which will convert our excess fat into dollars.

Craving the hard stuff

"Here ya go, mate, I've got you yer poetry. It's a bit rough, I admit - it's been cut with doggerel, but it should see you through the night. If anyone asks, you ain't seen me, right?"

When you're self employed

"What are you working on?"

"It's called 'The Animal Philosophers'!"

"And what's it about?"

"Well, I thought I'd try and introduce philosophy to children in a friendly format, so I've created a bunch of fluffy animal characters who will talk about philosophical concepts in the style of particular philosophers. So far I have Aristotle the bunny, Socrates the tortoise, Descartes the Hare, Kierkegaard the lemming, Neitsche the headgehog and Sartre the frog."

"And you think this is marketable?"

"Can't fail. I'll be a millionaire by next year!"