Tuesday, 17 May 2022

I am alive - until I'm not

 Somehow, I find this thought very comforting.

Monday, 9 May 2022

And what world do you live in?

I don't think I want to be self employed anymore.

I don't want the endless uncertainty and responsibility.

I want a job.

But I want than job to be well paid, secure, and doing something I enjoy.




Aye, there's the rub...




Lost Potential

 My world is a seething mass of stuff I've not done...

Wednesday, 20 April 2022

WTF, Kim?

"You know," he said, "when you used to tell me about these photo shoot ideas of yours, I would nod and smile, but inside I couldn't imagine they would look any good. But over the years, every time you've produced something great so I've stopped being overly concerned about it."

"So what you're saying," I said, "is when I enthusiastically tell you about the latest shoot I'm planning to do, like this one I've just told you about, your first thought is 'What the fuck, Kim?' which is then followed by, 'Oh, it'll probably be OK because he's got a track record now.'?"

"Er, yes, kind of..." he said, noticing my eyes had narrowed somewhat, "but it's a compliment!"

It had honestly never occurred to me that someone might think this way. Whenever I get an idea, I'm so stoked about it, I assume everyone else will be too - not that they are thinking I'm completely off my trolley but against all the odds somehow seem to make it work.

I'm still not completely convinced this is a compliment...

Friday, 11 March 2022

You can't handle the truth...

It's been too long since we last spoke, but I can feel myself getting upset with my brother when I phone him and realise he is hugely downplaying the problems in his life and is only really telling me what he thinks I want to hear.

It's been too long since we last spoke, but I can feel myself getting upset with my sister when I phone her and not only does she not downplay all the problems in her life, she fills in many of the missing details in my brother's life.

And I realise I'd rather she'd only told me what I wanted to hear...

Thursday, 24 February 2022

Attention Deficit... something...

Anyone else try one of these online ADHD tests only to get bored and impatient and abandon it before the end?

Friday, 7 January 2022

Keeping the viewer guessing

 As in literature, one of the most important features of a strong photographic narrative is there must be something missing. There must be a central lack or mystery that keeps the viewer guessing. Literary theorist Worlfgang Iser describes this "place of indeterminacy" in narrative as the productive meeting point of text and reader, where readers are provoked to fill in the blank themselves. In a single still image, a gap is necessary to produce the movement that creates a story rather than just a scene. Sometimes we may formulate the gap as a question: What is going on? What is tin that briefcase? What is that woman feeling? In other images, it is more of a lack of resolution that brings an image to life, an ambiguity that keeps the image oscillating.

 - Lucy Soutter
Showing and Telling: Narrative Picture to Parafictions

Wednesday, 3 November 2021

On Being 55 (or probably any age, really...)

When I look at other people who are 55, I'm struck by just how much older than me they look.

Until I glance in the mirror...

Tuesday, 12 October 2021

A State of Mind

When I'm not drowning in deep depression,
or wrestling with high anxiety,
or bone-achingly weary with mental exhaustion,
or overwhelmed with existential angst, unable to stop staring into an eternal pit of of the darkest nihilism,
then I find I'm actually quite optimistic...

Friday, 26 March 2021

Time and Energy

And then the programme crashed, just as I was putting the finishing touches to a project that I'd been working on for 3 hours, but because of the CFS had effectively taken me 2 days of scraping together bits here and bits there.

I didn't have the time or energy to do it again.

Other things had far more priority and I probably shouldn't have been wasting my precious resources on it anyway.

It wasn't an important thing, just a bit of trivial fun.

But still I wept.